• heather&dr.ron

Tip Tuesday - Don't Expect Your Spouse to Be a Mind Reader

Updated: Sep 27, 2020

Today I wanted to touch on a subject we've covered before, you can check it out in-depth in our post Improving Communication in Your Marriage. But since this is something I tend to need to remind myself of, I figured it wouldn't hurt to go over it again.

We cannot expect our spouse to always (or ever) know what we want, what we need, or what we're thinking. Even after almost 20 years of marriage, Ron and I cannot expect this of each other - but somehow we tend to fall in the trap of thinking that we can. If anything, after 20+ years together, we should both know better. I should know my spouse well enough at this point to recognize that he is not going to read my mind. He hasn't done a very good job at it for the last 20 years, so why now? But it's crazy that we keep falling into these same traps, isn't it?

Shouldn't he just know that I want him to bring me flowers? After all, I've had a really bad week!

Shouldn't he just know that I need him to pitch in more around the house? I am so stressed out and swamped with this new project at work.

Shouldn't she know that I want more affection from her?

Shouldn't she know that I need time to wind down after a crazy day at work? I can't immediately jump in and start asking her about her day.

Sound familiar? These tendencies creep back into our relationships at times even if we have recognized the futility of this type of thinking and behavior in the past. If you've found yourself in this situation, as I often do, take some time to reassess. Are you frustrated because you're not getting what you need from your spouse? Is it because you haven't TOLD them what you need? It's great that you've recognized it now. And now that you've recognized it, you have to get back to the place of actually telling your spouse what you need, want, and think. As uncomfortable as that may be at times, if those things you need, want, and think are important to you and your relationship - you have to communicate them to your spouse. And unless you uncover the secret to telepathy, you better start talking!

- Heather

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